21 days until school starts. Almost everything's done except for getting nursing shoes, but I have some time on that one. Now it's just killing time by reading my textbooks and seeing what's up at AllNurses.com.
I'm reminded of another old saying: "Everytime God closes a door, He opens a window." That very same day, I found the perfect place for my son to go to childcare. This is the most professional home care provider I ever met, plus Carpetshark loved being there (he accompanies me on all these interviews). Big added plus: she's located on the way to work, so I now have only 10 extra minutes of driving time instead of that damned hour. So today we go and sign the contract.
Now we move into weaning. I should tell you that my son's 2 1/2, so it's not as though the poor Baby's got to go on the Enfamil just to see tomorrow. The "poor Baby" knows where the num-nums are and how to help himself to them. In fact, he's trying to help himself as I type. If it wasn't for Shaun the Sheep playing on the other side of the monitor screen, he'd be under the shirt.
But yeah, weaning.
I'm not sure if I mentioned this here before, but I've never had a Hepatitis B vaccine. I was born before they were mandatory. It's a series of three shots. For me to be OK for clinicals when they start, I'll have to start the shots no later than mid-September. That will put me at having two of the three before clinicals start, and I'll just have to be careful as hell to avoid needlesticks and other exposures until the last one in January.
My doctors and my son's doctors can't give me a definite answer as to whether it would be safe for me to continue nursing while getting the vaccines. Everything they find is "safe in pregnancy, affect on breastmilk unknown." So of course, they will err on the side of caution and not give it unless the need outweighs the risks...which, as I'm not in clinicals yet, doesn't. So I wrotre La Leche League for their opinion, since they are the ones that specialize in all things lactation.
In the meantime, I've got to get him weaned off. Cold Turkey quitting is out except as a very last resort--I've suffered through several bouts of mastitis and it is NOT fun. The husband is home for two weeks starting next week, so I think that's when I'll make the big push: he and I will try to keep Carpetshark so distracted that he hardly thinks of nursing. I did finally teach him how to go to bed on his own without it, so that's a big hurdle cleared--it used to be that he'd only fall asleep at night if he was attached.
Until then, I'm putting off any requests for num-num for as long as I can.
July 30, 2007
Childcare woes
Just when I thought I had the childcare sorted, everything falls through.
I was very favorably impressed with the woman I met this morning, so much so that she would have had the job...if she had the opening for my son. But alas, the opening she thought she'd have starting on the 6th did not materialize--the child's parents' plans changed. Damn.
There's still the one provider we interviewed last week and she was all right...not outstanding, but all right enough...but the big downside to her is that she's located so far out of the loop it's an extra hour total of driving. Plus she had been interviewing others for the spot, so there might not even be a spot there to go to.
So it's back to the referral lists. Another two appointments set up for today, one for tomorrow, and I'm requesting a fresh list of referrals. What does help is the fact that I can easily get him covered for the first 8 weeks--clinicals don't start until October and that's when the hours and finding coverage for them get tricky.
I'm surprisingly calm about all of this. It's a bit eerie.
I was very favorably impressed with the woman I met this morning, so much so that she would have had the job...if she had the opening for my son. But alas, the opening she thought she'd have starting on the 6th did not materialize--the child's parents' plans changed. Damn.
There's still the one provider we interviewed last week and she was all right...not outstanding, but all right enough...but the big downside to her is that she's located so far out of the loop it's an extra hour total of driving. Plus she had been interviewing others for the spot, so there might not even be a spot there to go to.
So it's back to the referral lists. Another two appointments set up for today, one for tomorrow, and I'm requesting a fresh list of referrals. What does help is the fact that I can easily get him covered for the first 8 weeks--clinicals don't start until October and that's when the hours and finding coverage for them get tricky.
I'm surprisingly calm about all of this. It's a bit eerie.
July 26, 2007
Mental countdown
Every morning, usually during coffee, a countdown to the day that school starts flashes in my head. It started on the 23rd, since that was about a month out.
Today my mind told me: "29 days to go."
So much to do and so little time, especially since the husband (who I'm NOT having a mental countdown for, go figure) is coming home in 13 days. So I'm figuring that the last 15 days of the countdown, when he's home, will be useless since I'll be too busy with him to get much done.
Today my mind told me: "29 days to go."
So much to do and so little time, especially since the husband (who I'm NOT having a mental countdown for, go figure) is coming home in 13 days. So I'm figuring that the last 15 days of the countdown, when he's home, will be useless since I'll be too busy with him to get much done.
July 23, 2007
I drafted a schedule (tentative, of course) of my school week. It helped--made things look more manageable. Still, that hour commute (each way!) to school, plus the half-hour commute (again, each way) for my son's childcare...three hours a day are going to be eaten up in the car.
Three hours. 1/8th of my day.
If I'm smart, I'll purchase a digital recorder and tape the lectures so I can listen to them while driving.
Three hours. 1/8th of my day.
If I'm smart, I'll purchase a digital recorder and tape the lectures so I can listen to them while driving.
Wisdom from an old kitchen sign
Went to a friend's house last night, where we proceeded to kill a couple of bottles of wine, some Indian food and brownies. We also vented about the stressful weeks we had...I let all of that stress over nursing school out. It felt good to do it, especially to an audience that will just listen. Whereas venting to the husband, while also good, is also frustrating because he falls into the "I need to fix it for her" mentality and gets upset when he can't come up with a solution.
Often, all I want is someone to listen, that's all. Not necessarily to solve the problem or give me the magic answer. Just to listen. Anyhow I felt a lot better after last night. Still worried about everything, of course.
One thing I will have to work on over the next month: I tend to internalize my stress, always have. This results in me having a long fuse (since I don't express it) but an explosive temper (when I do let it out, it's like a dam breaking), as well as getting myself physically ill from it, And the stress just keeps on magnifying in my mind and gets out of control, that pretty soon I'm stressing over things that I have no control over, things that don't concern me, things that haven't even happened yet but I'm convinced will with the way my life is going.
I realized last night, as I was venting to my friend, that I really need to find better ways to manage stress, because for all the stress I'm undergoing now, it's only going to grow exponentially once classes start. I need to find a better outlet for releasing it, and to release it a lot sooner. I also need to learn sort things into categories just like in that saying/prayer: the things I can do something about (change) and the things I can't (accept)...and then learn how to tell which is which.
Kitchen Wisdom 101.
A few years ago, I had bought some books on meditation and zen that I never got around to reading...after last night, I thought about them and decided to dig them out. It couldn't hurt to give them a look-see.
Often, all I want is someone to listen, that's all. Not necessarily to solve the problem or give me the magic answer. Just to listen. Anyhow I felt a lot better after last night. Still worried about everything, of course.
One thing I will have to work on over the next month: I tend to internalize my stress, always have. This results in me having a long fuse (since I don't express it) but an explosive temper (when I do let it out, it's like a dam breaking), as well as getting myself physically ill from it, And the stress just keeps on magnifying in my mind and gets out of control, that pretty soon I'm stressing over things that I have no control over, things that don't concern me, things that haven't even happened yet but I'm convinced will with the way my life is going.
I realized last night, as I was venting to my friend, that I really need to find better ways to manage stress, because for all the stress I'm undergoing now, it's only going to grow exponentially once classes start. I need to find a better outlet for releasing it, and to release it a lot sooner. I also need to learn sort things into categories just like in that saying/prayer: the things I can do something about (change) and the things I can't (accept)...and then learn how to tell which is which.
Kitchen Wisdom 101.
A few years ago, I had bought some books on meditation and zen that I never got around to reading...after last night, I thought about them and decided to dig them out. It couldn't hurt to give them a look-see.
July 21, 2007
Another nursing school panic attack
Actually, I'm having about one per day.
It's all the same basic concerns:
Will I'll be able to juggle it all? Will I ever have any free time, any life at all outside of school? Should I enjoy this summer and veg while I have the chance, or should I get a jump on the reading for fundamentals so I don't fall behind?
Should I wait for my better half to get home before I start school, or will it actually be easier for me to do it now while he's away since that's one less person for me to take care of?
What if Carpetshark gets sick and needs me to stay home with him, and thereby I have to miss class or clinical? What if he gets really sick? What if I can't find someone to watch him on clinical nights? And will I have enough time to get from where he's in childcare to where the clinicals will be held--will 20-25 minutes be cutting it too close and I should consider care for him elsewhere even if that means he switches facilities every 8 weeks?
What about all the money I'm spending on nursing school? Will that ever let up? Plus all the childcare costs per month...that won't let up, but can we really swing it?
And what if, having put so much into it, financially and otherwise, I find myself failing out or having to withdraw and wait until later to do it?
And despite all of this, I'm terrified that if I don't do it now I will never get it done and never be a nurse!
*sigh*
I just try to breathe through them, and think to myself that thousands of other people before me have been in similar if not worse situations than I, and they have made through nursing school and started their careers. That if there's a will, there's a way...and that if I really want to do this that I will find a way to do it.
I mean, so I'm in my mid-30s...there's 40, 50 and even a few 60 year olds going to nursing school.
I only have one child; my friend is doing it with three...and I just read a post on the nurses forum of one who has 7 and is going to school! Never minding the one at our orientation with was 8 months pregnant with twins (she's starting in October)--imagine going back to school with not one but TWO newborns! I remember what it was like when my son was a newborn...i.e., the time in my life when I forsook sleep.
There's nursing students that will have to work part- or even full-time while in school--I'm lucky in that I don't have to work at all...not no-money-worries lucky, but we can manage.
And let's face it--if I wait for the "perfect" time to go to nursing school, it'll never happen. Something will always come up. The husband will get home, but be on the late shift and not be able to help me much anyway. The son will start grade school, and I'll find myself accidentally pregnant. I'll wait and find out that our financial situation will be worse a few years from now, that I should have gone now when we were able to afford it. I'll wait and reapply to school to find that they won't accept my pre-reqs and I'll have to retake them...I can go on and on. The only "perfect" time is in the past, because I can look back on my life with the clarity of hindsight and say to myself, "oh yeah, that would have been the perfect time for me to have gone to nursing school, why didn't I?"
Anyway...I feel better having let all that out. I don't think it'll prevent me from having daily panic attacks though--I should be so lucky :)
It's all the same basic concerns:
Will I'll be able to juggle it all? Will I ever have any free time, any life at all outside of school? Should I enjoy this summer and veg while I have the chance, or should I get a jump on the reading for fundamentals so I don't fall behind?
Should I wait for my better half to get home before I start school, or will it actually be easier for me to do it now while he's away since that's one less person for me to take care of?
What if Carpetshark gets sick and needs me to stay home with him, and thereby I have to miss class or clinical? What if he gets really sick? What if I can't find someone to watch him on clinical nights? And will I have enough time to get from where he's in childcare to where the clinicals will be held--will 20-25 minutes be cutting it too close and I should consider care for him elsewhere even if that means he switches facilities every 8 weeks?
What about all the money I'm spending on nursing school? Will that ever let up? Plus all the childcare costs per month...that won't let up, but can we really swing it?
And what if, having put so much into it, financially and otherwise, I find myself failing out or having to withdraw and wait until later to do it?
And despite all of this, I'm terrified that if I don't do it now I will never get it done and never be a nurse!
*sigh*
I just try to breathe through them, and think to myself that thousands of other people before me have been in similar if not worse situations than I, and they have made through nursing school and started their careers. That if there's a will, there's a way...and that if I really want to do this that I will find a way to do it.
I mean, so I'm in my mid-30s...there's 40, 50 and even a few 60 year olds going to nursing school.
I only have one child; my friend is doing it with three...and I just read a post on the nurses forum of one who has 7 and is going to school! Never minding the one at our orientation with was 8 months pregnant with twins (she's starting in October)--imagine going back to school with not one but TWO newborns! I remember what it was like when my son was a newborn...i.e., the time in my life when I forsook sleep.
There's nursing students that will have to work part- or even full-time while in school--I'm lucky in that I don't have to work at all...not no-money-worries lucky, but we can manage.
And let's face it--if I wait for the "perfect" time to go to nursing school, it'll never happen. Something will always come up. The husband will get home, but be on the late shift and not be able to help me much anyway. The son will start grade school, and I'll find myself accidentally pregnant. I'll wait and find out that our financial situation will be worse a few years from now, that I should have gone now when we were able to afford it. I'll wait and reapply to school to find that they won't accept my pre-reqs and I'll have to retake them...I can go on and on. The only "perfect" time is in the past, because I can look back on my life with the clarity of hindsight and say to myself, "oh yeah, that would have been the perfect time for me to have gone to nursing school, why didn't I?"
Anyway...I feel better having let all that out. I don't think it'll prevent me from having daily panic attacks though--I should be so lucky :)
July 18, 2007
Setting up shop
I moved the home office out of the bedroom and into the spare spare room, so I could have a private area to study that wasn't overrun by a child or spouse, and where I could leave all of my nursing school stuff out wherever I needed it.
I'm sharing the space with storage boxes, but I do have a cozy little corner that I can call my own. The husband's jealous of it, actually, because he shares his cozy little corner with the guest room. Nor does he had the spiffy lamp, bookshelves and wall calendar.
The rest of my nursing school books arrived today...well, all but one. I felt bad for the UPS guy.
I'm sharing the space with storage boxes, but I do have a cozy little corner that I can call my own. The husband's jealous of it, actually, because he shares his cozy little corner with the guest room. Nor does he had the spiffy lamp, bookshelves and wall calendar.
The rest of my nursing school books arrived today...well, all but one. I felt bad for the UPS guy.
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