March 7, 2014

Time flies...

Has it really been more than a month?  Guess it has been.
It’s been quite a month, actually.  Fell ill twice.  Little one #2 and better half fell ill once.  Little one #2 turned 1.  Nephew turned 4.  Little one #1 won a citizenship award.  Worked nearly full-time all month except for the week that I fell ill the second time (the first time I was ill, it was during my days off).  Been training for a race.  Dad was hospitalized again—briefly, thank God—and they finally figured out why he had problems breathing all the time:  too much Dilaudid prescribed by a newbie resident.  Friend died.
Februarys go fast anyway because they’re only 28 days most of the time.
So here I am.    
I decided to postpone pursuing addictions certification.  The main reason is the fact that most of my addictions experience occurred outside of the “last 3 years window.”  I was under the impression from the IntNSA website that the experience didn’t have to be within the last 3 years, but when I went to complete the paperwork, I found out that I was wrong. 
Since I moved out west I went from full-time permanent addictions spot to the feast-or-famine life of a floating two-jobbed per-diem nurse…and a lot of the time I wasn’t working in addictions-related settings.  I figure it would be too much of a hassle to try to track the hours down to see if I managed to pull 2000 hours among all of the sites I’ve been sent to, and then track each of the supervisors down to complete the paperwork…and do this all within three weeks.
I have enough stress in my life as it is.  I do not need any more…so regrettably, I’m letting this one go.  For now.  I do intend to get my CARN one day—it just may not be right now.
I was tempted to apply for a full-time position at a different facility, but opted out at the last minute.  The reason I opted not to was when I got home yesterday:  little one #2 held onto my leg and wouldn’t let go.  I’m working 5-6 days a week for the next several weeks as I’m covering for three people who have gone on leave.  So my free time with the kids has gone down.  Little one #1 is older and more resilient—he misses me but he also has other outlets that he can put his attention into.  Little one #2…well, I’m his whole world.  He is well cared for when I am at work, but it’s still not the same:  it’s not Mommy there. 
The sight of him grabbing my leg and looking up at me with the big sad brown eyes…well yeah, that pretty much shut down any thought of finding full-time permanent work.  This hurt in a small way as the position would have been ideal.  But this place has posted openings before and will do so again…now is just not my time, I guess.
Next year, it will be a different story.  The better half will be able to resume childcare, and I can work anywhere I want, when I want, without worrying about schedules and childcare and all that stress I deal with now.  Plus, little one #2 will be older:  he’ll still need me, but not as much, and he will have his dad home with him.
Whoever said parenthood and careers were difficult to reconcile wasn’t kidding.