October 30, 2013

You are cordially invited to feel guilty

I'm sitting here, watching ID and drinking iced tea while little one #2 is asleep across my arms and abdomen.  I can't put him in his crib as he will wake up.  He's not a napper so this is rare, and I want it to last.  Considering that at 1830, I can put this child in his crib, say "good night" and walk out of the room with nary a protest, I'll take the lack of napping skills and remain pinned to the couch for now.

Still waiting on that final grade.  I feel like I can't relax and accept that it's truly over until that grade is posted.

I received an invitation for Sigma Theta Tau.  I'm not surprised--I knew that I was going to be invited.  But still...it's rather nice to be acknowledged by a professional organization.  It'll be good on the resume  and it will be a great networking opportunity, especially since I can have a dual membership with my local chapter.  There are two local chapters I can join, and I've chosen the one that I'll affiliate with once I'm inducted because I'm familiar with who this chapter's leader is.  I'm looking forward to taking part in STT.

Of course, such an invite doesn't come for free...like any Greek organization, there's initiation and membership fees.  Fortunately, I worked enough in October to more than cover it.

Speaking of work...

I turned down guaranteed hours on Thursday.  I'm on call for Friday so that's 50/50 as to whether I'll be going in.  But I received an offer for Thursday and said no.  I figured that as it was Halloween, I'd take the day off to get little one #1 and his costume ready, and then be fresh for walking around the neighborhood while I hold little one #2.

I worked a lot in October, and I felt like little one #2 needed some quality time with me.  I have enough guaranteed hours in November to cover my childcare costs.  Actually, the way my paychecks fall as well as the extra hours I got in October, I'll have paid for December's childcare on November 1st.  So technically I could take November off and December will still be covered.

The better half told me to enjoy the down time.  He's thrilled that school is finally over and that I have free time again.  He felt (and I'll admit to this) that sometimes little one #1 got lost in the shuffle because I spent a lot of my free time doing homework--he'd get shortchanged.  So he was supportive when I told him I opted out of work Thursday to be there for little one #1.  And of course, little one #1 is ecstatic.

So why do I feel guilty for turning down the hours?


I should just relax and enjoy the time off, but I can't.   I should enjoy the little lump of love that is unconscious in my lap because he won't be a little lump forever.  I should enjoy the time with the older lump because he's going to be grown up before I know it.  And I just keep thinking that I should have signed on for Thursday.

But I'm not going to.  I'm going to focus on the kids.  To help myself resist, I already told my babysitter that I had plans on Thursday and would not be needing her services.  It's going to be tough...and if I get cancelled on Friday, I'll feel even guiltier.  But I need to prioritize.   Kids first.

Sometimes, I wonder why I'm so hard-wired to work.

October 27, 2013


So, on my life after school, I've steam-mopped all my wooden floors, got a FitBit and started working on walking 10,000 steps a day (high score so far:  5,500), played Club Penguin (I'm in charge of feeding the little one's 11 puffles because he forgets to), started reading actual non-knitting books, and knit a shawl...well, it's a skimpy shawl.  More like a scarf, actually.  It's called a Wingspan if you want to look up and see the shape.  It's green and rather pretty but it's too small for me.  I like shawls that are practically blankets, or at least come half-way down my arms, so I'm sending it to a friend for Christmas and will start another (and larger) one for myself after I finish the hat I just cast on.


Still waiting on the final grade.  I'm pretty sure it will be an A and I'll have my 4.0 unless I really tanked something that wasn't graded yet.

At my main facility, I'm finishing my assignment up:  last day is tomorrow.  It was a nice run there...and I admit to feeling an occasional twinge of regret that I didn't apply for the part-time position myself.  But it did not fit into my long range plans, and so I didn't want to do it knowing I couldn't give them the long commitment they were looking for.  I'm sure I'll be back there again one day though.

Meanwhile, I oriented at a new site and have the opportunity to pick up more hours, including some weekend ones.

And the agency has been calling me like crazy.  Someone must have gotten fired.  Anyhow, I gave them my next month's availability so we'll see how many days I'll get.  Actually, a couple of weeks ago they had called asking if I'd be interested in something long-term.  I told them that because of school (which I was still in at the time) and the baby, I prefer to keep it month to month right now.

So for all of their mad calling, we will see how often I'm cancelled.  I've scheduled enough guaranteed shifts this month to pay for December's childcare, so there's no stress if I don't get any shifts from them.  Though it would be nice to make some extra money to start on the Christmas shopping as well as on little one #1's birthday shopping.

October 22, 2013

I have the day off from work.  I woke up this morning and didn't know what to do with myself.  I have no papers due, no reading to do, no discussion questions to answer, no projects to work on...

I'm having a hard time accepting this.  I can't relax.

October 20, 2013

It is finished

I turned in the last assignment one day early.  It is finished...I can't believe it's finished.  Four years...

I won't officially celebrate until I receive a grade for the class, but I can't help but feel as though a weight has been lifted off of my chest.

It was truly a Hell Week, since little one #2 ended up coming down with a viral infection.  I had to do a lot of typing with a feverish and vomiting baby lying on me because if he wasn't lying on me, he'd start shrieking.  He's better now, thank God.  But it was rough.

Off to celebrate with some hot chocolate and then going to bed early with a non-nursing book.

October 16, 2013

Hell Week begins

The last time I had a Hell Week, I was a pledge.

It's the final two weeks of Capstone.  Well, it's really the final week, as everything needs to be turned in by 2100 on Monday.  After that, the class is pretty much done even though we still have a week remaining.  It's a very odd schedule for a class.

In this Hell Week, I have 8 projects due:  a PowerPoint presentation of 20 minutes' length, an evaluation of said PowerPoint, a journal entry, a reflection paper, a resume, a discussion question, and two discussion question responses with substantive content.  The first three are due tomorrow night; the remainder except for the responses is due by Sunday night.  I'm on top of the first three assignments.  The rest, I haven't even started.

Fortunately, I'm spending the next two days at my main job and it promises to be mellow, so I'm hoping to get some work done while there.  Not going to bank on it, but I'm e-mailing homework to work on just in case.

And then...then it's over.  It's really and truly over.   I'm receiving all of these graduation announcements and e-mails and it's so surreal.

Work was interesting today.   I got to give my PowerPoint presentation a trial run with a couple of my patients who were sorely needing some med-ed.  Well, I didn't show them the slides, but I knew the content by heart.  I think some of the message got through to them.

Interesting and unrelated fact:  my sorority did not permit pledges to drink alcohol, regardless of their age.  Kind of goes against the Greek party-animal stereotype, doesn't it?  Though any days of partying on my part are long past.  The last mixed drink I had was hot chocolate with Almond Joy coffee creamer.

October 4, 2013

Cancelled...oh well.  It'll be a good day to get ahead on next week's coursework.   Because of when the deadlines are set in this course, anyone (not just me in the Pacific Time Zone) really needs to work ahead to make them.   Three more weeks...

Meanwhile, I realized that I never heard back from that psych hospital that I sent my resume to.  Oh well...again.  

I don't think it's solely because I'm not (yet) a BSN.  I think I need to do some work on my resume to make it look good.  I've been brushing it up, but I think it really needs an overhaul.  Maybe I'll work on that a little after I get some coursework done today. 

October 3, 2013


I took a chance and shot the manager of the ICU an e-mail asking about the part-time position--not that I wanted it, but what they were looking for as far as scheduling goes.  I decided that given the up-and-down scheduling from the agency, that I'd rather just focus on going inpatient at my main job.  I wrote a few days ago...no response.  So either the manager just hasn't gotten to it yet for whatever reason, or has gotten to it and hit the Trash button.


I can't say I blame her if it was trashed.  After all, new graduate job hunting season has officially started and I'm sure she's inundated with messages from new grads.  I'm sure she read my message and decided that I was probably just another internal applicant pleading for a chance.  Then again, the "RN-BC" after my name should have been a hint I'm not quite the new grad...especially since the job posting stated that ANCC certification was preferred.

And so is a BSN.

Four more weeks...well, not really.   I found out from my lovely school that degrees do not get conferred until mid-December regardless of when the coursework was completed.  So even though the last day of class is October 26 or thereabouts, I have to wait for this degree to be conferred.

Again, *sigh*

So I don't know if, come November, I can legally call myself Meriwhen, BSN, RN-BC, or if I have to wait until the official conferral of the degree.  I would think that as long as my transcript stated that I have completed all the requirements, I could start saying, "I'm a BSN!"  But then again, who knows when my school will do that...they probably won't change the transcript until December with my luck.

It's just frustrating that, after all these years to finally reach the finish line, to find the finish line has been moved further back.

Oh well.  There is nothing I can do about it.  Say the Serenity Prayer and focus on the now.

Let's see if the agency cancelled me tomorrow.  Fortunately, I've got a stack of shifts lined up at my main job in October so I'm not worried--I'll make my budget and then some...which is good as we have some house repairs that we need to get done ASAP.