One of my hobbies is participating in half-marathons. I don't run them. I started out strictly walking them, and can walk one in about 4 hours. This spring, I trained to walk/run one, and completed one in March in 3h 20m. I signed up for one in November which should have been a delight: completely flat course, cool weather, along the ocean.
The problem is that I haven't trained for it. Not at all. The weather this summer made being outdoors to walk/run long distances nearly impossible. I haven't had a lot of free time because of work and the kids, and the free days I had...well, I was too busy being a comatose vegetable on my days off.
I logged a total of 4 miles since my training start date 2 months ago.
Over morning coffee, I thought about what I was going to do. There are 4-week half-marathon training programs out there, but with my work schedule and the kids (plus that ED class!) over those next four weeks, I don't have a lot of free time to run them. Plus I'm no spring chicken. This body isn't 20 anymore and I can't push it from 0 to 60 as well as I used to. I don't want an injury. I can't afford to be injured.
I could just walk the race: after all, I know I've done it several times before...but that thought was for some reason rather depressing to me. I think it's because I did so well walk/running in the spring race, that to just walk this one seems like a big step back. Also, I still need to train somewhat for walking 13.1 miles. It's physically as well as mentally taxing--seriously, trying being your own company for 4 hours of activity--and both endurance and mind need conditioning.
I can't transfer my registration to the following year. Bah. So I'm out the fee no matter what.
So I decided to offer the registration to my brother-in-law. He's always talked about doing a half-marathon, and I'd rather see someone use my registration than for it to be a total loss. If he doesn't want it, I'll offer it to my sorority running group and see if anyone takes it.
I feel like a failure for doing this. I know I'm not a failure. I can't always control what happens in life, and with work and kids keeping me busy. The fact that I was aware of and acknowledged I can't do it says something. I'm aware of my limitations. I'm choosing the option that I feel overall is the best for me. There's always the March half-marathon (which I am already registered for).
Yet at the same time, I feel like I could have made more of an effort to train. I could have went to the Y and walked part of the way on the treadmill, or cross-trained, or done something to be active. I could have dropped some weight. I could have taken the kids to the park with me as I walked. I could have postponed the ED course until next year, since I had signed up for the half-marathon before I registered for the course.
Ah well. Something--in addition to my anxiety--to talk about with my therapist when I finally meet her at the end of the month.
