Going back down

Statistics.

I hate statistics.

I'm reading and rereading the chapter on statistics and I swear this chapter is not written in English.

This a research class, not a statistics class.

I served my time in research class in 2010.

Thank God that we don't actually have to run the statistics on anything, so that's a good thing.

But we have to understand them enough to be able to talk about them.

And with the way things are written, no on in my group can understand them.

And they're all kind of looking to me to understand them and explain it to them, since I've already explained a lot of stuff to them.

But I can't because even I don't fecking understand it.

Studying Welsh was easier than this.  

I should go back to studying Welsh.  

I can watch Pobol y Cwm and actually understand (without needing subtitles) it if I study Welsh.

And that is more entertaining than trying to explain what Cronbach alpha is.

But knowing Welsh in California won't exactly land me a nursing job at a magnet facility.

Having the BSN will.

So it's back to the statistics.

*sigh*

My maternity leave ends in 8 days.  Well, the official ending date was last week, but I go back to work next week on a part-time basis.

*sigh*

Happy and sad about this.  Happy to be back in the action; sad because I have to be away from little one #2.  But I can't have it both ways.

The Research Roller Coaster continues...

We got the assignment grades back.  We did pretty well on one of them and not so well--but passing--on the other.   The pretty-well one was a serious chunk of our final grade, so that's good news.  The not-so-well one still has one more part to complete before that becomes the largest part of our grade.  I think we can pull off something in the 80s, which will be nice.

Then I took the quiz...no, I didn't take it at 0300 as I feared I would have to.  I was going to wait until the better half came home to tend to little one #2, but I decided that I didn't want to lose a whole day doing nothing.  I wasn't studying because I felt if I didn't know it by now I wasn't going to know it, and I certainly wasn't getting any other work done because I was focused on the quiz...and trying not to throw up.

When I'm anxious, I get nauseous.  When I'm really anxious, I actually vomit.

Little one #2 seemed placid this morning, and I figured we may as well give it a try.  So I moved everything--baby, laptop, cable modem--into the nursery, set him in his crib, set myself up in the corner, said a prayer, and went at it.  Worst case scenario:  he flips out, I attach him to a boob while still answering questions.  It wouldn't be the first time I've taken a test with a nursing child.

He did a lot better than I thought.  I did a lot better than I thought...so well that I'm actually kind of shell-shocked.  No, not a 100%--I think I would have had a MI if that happened--but very close.

THEN I threw up.

So now things are looking up again.

Off to tackle the next assignment, which is the last part that I mentioned above.

Back down on the roller coaster

Spent all day working on one of the two assignments for this week while juggling a less-than-pleased little one #2.  I feel like I've just walked through the 7 chambers of Hell.  This Research class isn't looking so good.

It's the other assignment--the one that I'm NOT leading--that is working me up.  I turned my work in for that two days ago.  I saw the final draft...and yeah.  This one isn't going to get us a good grade.  I hope that's just anxiety speaking and I'm entirely wrong, but I am a little worried about this one.

Not that my-led assignment is top shelf though:  I'm worried about this one too.  It was a whole lot harder than I thought, even with everyone's contributions.  

Then there's the quiz next week...scuttlebutt says that it's very hard and nothing like you'd expect.  Of course, we're not getting any help from the instructors other than, "here's the question breakdown, good luck."  It's timed and once you answer a question you can't go back and change your answer (which come to think of it may not be such a bad thing).  I also have to find 30 minutes where I will have zero interruptions....which with little one #2 isn't as easy as you'd think.  He doesn't have a regular nap and if he does go down, it's not for long.  I can't risk starting it to have him melt down 5 minutes into it.  I don't want to wait until later in the evening when he goes to bed, because I'm two hours behind their time: the quiz ends at 2155 my time.  And I'm sure that during those last two hours the server will be swarmed with anxious test takers...I can't take a chance on a Blackboard outage.

I may take this quiz at 3 in the morning.

*sigh*

Of course, I roll straight from medical procedures into a cold...and on a holiday weekend, no less.  I spent all weekend cuddled up with Nyquil Day and Alka-Seltzer Night.  That reminds me:  have they pulled Theraflu?  I can't find it anywhere to save my life.   All I find are the generic brands from CVS, Rite Aid, Safeway...and the Alka-Seltzer version.  Which is a shame because the Theraflu Sore Throat formula would have been perfect for what I'm feeling right now.  But instead, it's Nyquil Day, the day-glo orange syrup that doesn't really do much to take the edge off...but at least it's non-drowsy.

I have no voice today...I'm glad we're not doing any collaborations over Skype/voice chat in this Research class because all they'd hear from me is croaking sounds.

I think we got our first grade back.  The gradebook has changed and yet there's no assignment posted...so I had to do a little math to figure out what the grade for the first assignment was.  And to be honest, it's pretty damn good.  We may just know what the feck we're doing!  I don't know if everyone in the group got the same grade or if they tweak it for each member based on their participation.  We're not supposed to discuss grades on the discussion board, so I don't know if my groupmates got the same grade.

Still feel like I'm learning Welsh though.  It would be nice if they returned the assignment so we can look at the feedback and see what we did right and wrong.

Off to get some rest...as much as little one #2 will let me get this morning.

I read Less than Zero, which I do not recommend reading while under the influence of diazepam as it gets even more depressing...and it's a depressing book to begin with.  I never saw the movie, but after reading the book, I don't think I want to, especially if they stayed true to the book.

No, it's not what you think.  Preoperative medication.  I needed something to read while it kicked in.

Anyhow, said procedure went well.  I recovered much more quickly than everyone anticipated.  I was pretty much out of commission that evening--more from the diazepam than the procedure--but the next day I was back to running around in circles.  I also had to pump and dump so little one #2 didn't get a hit of the meds.

We all also discovered that I turn bright red all over when taking diazepam.  Like, "I've been in the sun but forgot to apply the SPF 50" red.

"Are you allergic to Valium?" the doctor asked.

"I don't know.  I only take it every few years when they give it to me before procedures."

No other adverse reactions were present...I think.  I don't remember itching or dyspnea.  Don't remember too much, actually...except that Less Than Zero was depressing as hell.  I also don't remember what reactions, if any, I've had the other times I've taken it.  I guess we'll see what reactions I have when I have the follow-up procedure in a few months.

I don't think it's an allergy though...or if it is, it's not a severe one.  I can take alprazolam just fine when I have to fly...but come to think of it, I don't know if I turn red when taking that too.  I'm too busy being a nervous hyperventilating wreck when flying to notice.

Off to start reading for the next week in Research.

Week 1 done

Finished week 1 of Research.  I'm very up-and-down about it.  One day I feel like I'll do great at it; the next day I feel like I'm doomed to failure.  Still having a hard time grasping some of the concepts...oh well.  I'll just keep going over the course material.

Having an active group has helped tremendously.

I think I have earned the right to a nice long soak.

Come to the dark side...we have cookies!

I always get excited when I see new grads wanting to come to psych, or at least are interested enough to consider it.  It's a nice change from all of the grads going on about how they'll only work ED/ICU/L&D and that nothing else is acceptable.  I feel like the speciality is being taken more seriously, that we're not just thought of as the area for those "who can't cut it in other areas" or "are looking for something easier."

Neverminding that neither is really true:  you need specific skills to really flourish in psych, and psych is far from being a cakewalk.  What is a cakewalk anyway?  It sounds more delicious than easy.

Maybe they're teaching a better psych curriculum.  I remember when I was in school--psych class and clinicals were not enough to convince me to run for the cookies.  Although I was intrigued enough to look when a psych opportunity came my way...but as longtime readers may recall, it wasn't my first choice.  They must have improved something because the students/new grads I talk to are more enthusiastic about what they learned in school.  One of the leaders of my local APNA chapter stated that she's getting a lot more students in her class (psych, naturally) who are showing a greater interest in the specialty.

Or maybe it's because that new grads are finally realizing that not all of them are going to be starting off in a med-surg floor...AND it's OK if they don't.  Perhaps all of the med-surg and hospital horror stories got to them. Personally, I enjoy not being a slave to a call bell and instead telling patients, "the kitchen area is over there, you can get your own juice" and for them to make their own beds.

Maybe they realized that it's not where you work that makes you a real nurse, but passing that *lovely* little test and receiving those two or three letters after your name that makes you a real nurse.  Of course, there are those who continue to think their specialty is "real" nursing while all other specialties aren't.  But in this job market where people can't be too finicky, I see that elitist attitude diminishing, especially in the new grads who are desperate for any nursing job.

Or maybe it's because society is starting to take pysch problems a little more seriously.  Yes, there is still a stigma attached to both mental illness and psych nursing.  But a lot of communities are taking a more open and proactive view towards mental illness because they realize they need to.  In my areas, there are campaigns about mental illness, mental health awareness, and the availability of mental health services.

I tell you, where I live is a great place to be a psych nurse.  Lots of facilities, and quality ones at that.  Better attitudes towards mental illness.  People don't look at you like you're crazy when you tell them you're in psych.  In fact, you get recruited.

Anyhow, whatever the reason...to those new grads wanting/considering psych, welcome to the dark side.  We love fresh blood.  And the cookies are really good too!