Resisting temptation

So almost all of my patients were paranoid and delusional.  Some of the delusions were so outrageous that it was hard for me to keep a straight face, but keep it I did.  These delusions are very real to each patient and me showing visible amusement would be both untherapeutic and insulting.  So I take them seriously.  I can decompress after hours.

I seem to be doing well with the agency work so far.  It's all coming back to me.  I go back next week provided I'm not cancelled.  I may not be given how few agency nurses I'm seeing on the scene, but we shall see.

I was offered hours today at my main job.  As tempting as it was, I declined.  First of all, I have some appointments today that I'm tending to.  I could have rescheduled them but I need to get them done with before we go on vacation.

Second...I've worked one day this week, and I will be working Friday.  I didn't want to take a third day.   I really want to keep working to two days a week so I can be there for little one #2, as well as little one #1 during the summer so he doesn't have to go into summer care every day.  I may make occasional exceptions, but I don't want to routinely take a third day because before I know it, I'm working three days a week, then four days a week.  Then soon I'm working full-time when I don't really want to be. 

So I said No, even though it would have been easy money.  But I'm glad I did.  I had my first appointment over and done with.  Now I'm hanging out with little one #2 and catching up on a few things at home.  It's nice.

Back in the hamster wheel

I am finally below my pre-pregnancy weight...well, pregnancy #2 anyway.  That weight was 198.  The scale today told me 197.4.  It took 2.5 months to get here, which is pretty much how I planned it.

Yay!

So now the next mini-goal is 190, at which point I will have lost 10% of my starting body weight.

No one believes I weigh what I do though...but keep in mind that I'm tall with a large frame, so I carry it well.   They also don't believe my age--I tell them that's the result of being pale:  I was forced to adopt the sunscreen habit early in life.

Anyhow...

The first day back for the agency went better than I thought.  A lot of faces have indeed moved on...though I was pleased to find three working on the unit with me.  The new grad (no longer new, really) who last year I thought wouldn't make it is still there...I'm delighted to have been proven wrong.  Seriously--I'd rather see people succeed...and feelings of schadenfreude do not really do me any good in the long run, so I try to avoid them.  A lot of the facility staff remembered me though, and asked what had happened to me.  So I showed off little one #2's pic a lot.

There were indeed changes to how things are done there, but I adapted pretty quickly.  They rearranged the staffing plan so there are actually more RNs needed on the unit, with the LVNs functioning more as medication nurses.  I didn't do triage but was placed in the back and given a patient load of 5.  They asked if that would be too much for me.  I remembered what life as a nurse was like back on the East Coast and tried not to laugh hysterically.  Oh California, how I love your ratio laws!

Everyone kept offering me help, which I didn't hesitate to request if I needed it.

The first patient I had to assess was inked to within an inch of his life and had generalized HI with a plan involving superglue.  Oh inpatient, how I have missed thee!

I was a little nervous at the start of the day, but by the end I felt pretty comfortable.  Hopefully I didn't make too many mistakes that they won't ask me back next week, but we shall see.

There weren't many agency nurses, as I had initially heard...scuttlebutt was correct in that the pay cut made a lot of them move on.  They also seem to have hired more permanent staff, though some of them seem pretty green as nurses period.  The last time I was working the unit, it was mostly agency nurses with few permanent staff--now that is reversed.  I'm not sure what this will mean in terms of my getting hours there...I suppose if I get cancelled during the week I can always put in for a weekend shift if I need to.  As long as I work the 4 shifts a month I need to in order to pay for childcare.

I should be working agency tomorrow, unless my primary employer dangles another carrot in front of me.

I have to admit I'm a little nervous about returning to agency.  It's been 9 months since I last worked for them.  I know that several nurses left the agency because of the hourly rate decrease.  A few more left for other various reasons, some good...some not so good.  And some of the permanent staff that I knew at the facility they're sending me to have left, though I don't know why...yet.  I'm sure I'll find out.

I'm not sure what P&P at the facility have changed.  I still have all of my old notes so I'm fairly confident.  Plus my agency has sent me several bulletins/updates over the last month so I can be aware of them.

Well, I guess it's another trial by fire...more like refresher by fire.  I survived the first time, I'll survive again.  If not, then I could always consider going registry at my primary employer.

Why don't I just go registry there in the first place, especially as they pay more?  I have to give up the flexibility because they have a stricter scheduling commitment.  Plus I can't get the experience there that I can get at this agency site, which is emergency crisis stabilization.

It is finished

The final paper grade is in...our group pulled off a miracle and bagged two 100s in a row:  the journal club and now this.  With these two grades, the rest of my group better have passed the class.

As for me, I knew I was going to pass...but including my quiz score, I now have the equivalent of bowling's turkey.  So I got my A.   Kolohe, guess you bet correctly.

I'm just glad I never have to take this course again.  I'll be burning my research notes shortly.

I'm supposed to restart at the agency this week, but my primary employer keeps giving me hours.  As my primary employer pays 1.5 times the hourly rate than the agency, guess who wins in the heads-up battle.  It's hard to say no to working 6 hours at one place and making more money than working 8 at the other.

Especially since now I'm paying more childcare costs.  I figured out that I have to work 4 shifts a month at either place to cover the monthly cost of little one #2's childcare--anything after that is profit.  And that I definitely need as July is the month that everything needs to be renewed:  ACLS, PALS, BLS, CPI, malpractice insurance and two professional organization memberships.  And I need a 90,000 mile tuneup on my truck.  And we're going on vacation next month for a few days.  And I have to pay childcare in advance.

Of course, some of these I can live without:  I can scratch PALS and the memberships and still be able to work.  In fact, I am thinking of ditching PALS as I'm not working in environments in which  children are my patients.  But everything else is a must-have.

Why the ACLS for a psych nurse?  For working in the psych ER.  As it is technically an ER, ACLS certification is needed.

Anyhow, so in my first couple of weeks back at work, I have made enough to cover June's childcare expenses and have leftover profit, which is good.  I'll see exactly how much when I get paid this week.

I'm also trying to keep it to two days a week total.  I figure if I do need to pull an extra day, it will be on a weekend so the better half can keep the little ones with him.  Ever since the better half figured out how to defrost breastmilk, my presence really isn't always needed.  As long as I keep doing the moo-cow thing and filling the bags.

Speaking of which, I'm glad I spent a couple of months practicing with the pump.  I've got it down to a 10 minute science with no stress or problem.  Plus, I hooked up with a doctor at my primary workplace who is also pumping, and she's offered me the use of her office fridge to store my stash.  Nice.

...or not

Or it may not be the Smashbox foundation...but the Smashbox primer that I received a sample of.   I realized that the reaction occurred after I tried the hydrating primer.  I tried wearing the foundation alone for a couple of days...no problems so far.  Which is good as I really like it and didn't want to have to return it and try to find something else that would cover the rosacea flare-ups.

Research class is finally over.  It was the roller-coaster up until the very end, but I have to admit, I learned a lot about research...and group dynamics.  I think once I adjusted my expectations of my group mates, it became a lot easier to work with them.  I had to accept that not everyone is going to attack the class the same way as I do, and that's OK.  Everyone's got their own motivations and mine are no better or worse than anyone else's.

The final paper was submitted today, and unless our paper is FUBAR and it fails, I will have that A after all.  What gave me a boost was that I got a 100 on two projects in a row:  a group project worth 20% of the grade and a quiz worth 15%.  Both were surprises, especially the project.  But the way this class has been, I won't celebrate just yet--let me wait for the final grade to come in.

No, I'm going to celebrate anyway.  Worst case scenario:  I have a B.  But more importantly...I am done with this class and never have to take it again.  That alone is worth celebrating many times over.

It was the Smashbox.  Two days without using it and the skin is almost perfectly smooth again.  Unfortunately, I've always been prone to post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation, so the redness will stay with me for quite a while.  Oh well.  Off to return my purchase.

Final week of Research class....quiz on Wednesday, final paper on Saturday.  I volunteered to take the lead on the final week in.  I feel confident that I will pass the class.  An A is still mathematically possible, but I'm not letting myself think about that, lest I get my hopes up:  I'm aiming for the B.