December 15, 2013


My dad went through the procedure well.  However, it is a tumor.  There's a lot of cells there.  They got the sample and expect the results by Tuesday.  Apparently the surgeon that they had to call in knows what it is but said that we should wait for the diagnosis to be sure.

So yeah, not good.

I'm remarkably OK.  I thought about why I'm containing it so well on the phone or talking about it with  others, but then I realized that I've had four-plus years of practice in containing it well in front of others.  When you hear patients tell you of unspeakable things that they have done or had done to them, learn of delusions too horrific and fantastic that you shudder to think of the possibility of them being real, and--unfortunately--to have to revive patients who have been found cut or hanging in a homemade noose....well yeah, you get good at keeping the reactions in check.

My sister, on the other hand, is a PhD specializing in cancer research.  She lost it.   Repeatedly.

She decided to fly out to NYC to be there for my parents and to make sure, in her own words, "the right questions get asked on Tuesday."  I had to agree:  I may be the nurse, but cancer is her forte.  If anyone knows what to ask about all of this--and isn't afraid to ask it--it's her.   I fear for the doctor that they will see on Tuesday...between my sister and my mother, he will be thoroughly interrogated.

Also, it may be really hard for the parents if we both came out and left right before Christmas.

So she went out first and will be back before Christmas.  If I have to go out, little one #2 and I will go out after the holidays...or sooner if needed, God forbid.   While I don't have a packed bag on standby just quite yet, I've mentally prepared to drop everything and have little one #2 and I on a plane going East within 24 hours' notice.

It's currently snowing in NYC...that hurts too.  Snow in NYC is magical.  Snow in NYC surrounded by family is even more so.  I miss snow.  It's 75 and gorgeous where I currently live, and there's a lot to be said for this weather, but I miss the snowfall.  The world is so silent when it happens. it's still the waiting game.  Whee.

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