The next challenge

The 30-Day Shred is the most agonizing 22 minutes of my life.  I struggle through it grunting and panting.  For whatever reason, I have difficulty with a different exercise each time:  either certain muscles are sore, or I just can't get the form right, or I get fatigued really quickly.  I'm cursing anyone and everyone--especially Jillian Michaels--in two languages.  When I get to the final stretching period, I stay face down on the rug and pray for a swift and painless death.  Then two days later, I go and do it all over again.

The scale isn't budging, but the pants are fitting better and better.  And I've been told by someone that I've really lost weight, so I guess it's working...or they're being too kind.  Who knows?

Soreness notwithstanding--I have a torrid love affair going on with my bottle of ibuprofen 800mg--I do feel better overall  Not that I'm ready to run a marathon...but I feel more "fit" than I did at the beginning of the month.

Anyhow... 

I requested that my transcript be sent to myself as soon as my degree was conferred, so when it gets here, then I can officially sign things with "BSN."  I guess I technically could use BSN in my signature since I did complete all requirements, but I feel weird doing it without having my degree in hand.  Or at least having a transcript in hand stating that I have earned that degree.  

Since I no longer have classes to take and clearly still need another outlet for my energies (besides exercising, I've read several books, already knit a shawl and two hats, and have cast on another pair of socks), I decided that it was time to embark on the next challenge:

It arrived in the mail earlier this week.  I'm joining the elite...or going to attempt to, anyway.  From what I hear, this examination is truly hell on wheels.  So I decided that if I'm going to make the Spring 2014 test, I need to start revising now.  I have this guide, I have a bunch of addictions manuals, books and journals to go through, and I've made arrangements to pick up more hours working shifts in the addictions programs over the next couple of months.  I also need to sort through my CEUs and see how many addiction ones I have finished, because I will need to have 30 CEUs completed before I can test.

I feel a bit better doing this.  I've been working so hard at school for so long than I feel like I'm wasting my time if I don't work towards the next thing. 

It's been a busy several days.  Between both jobs, I've been everywhere:  ER, outpatient, partial, step-down, back to the ER.  Thanksgiving tomorrow....no four day weekend for me...I'm off tomorrow, but on for Friday and Saturday.  I'll do my Black Friday shopping online.

I've done the 30-Day Shred for five times now.  Considering I started on Halloween, I'm averaging about one workout every two and a half days.   I haven't lost any weight, but some of my pants fit a little better.

I've also gained some endurance.  When I first started, I was only able to do five consecutive push ups before stopping for rest.  Now I can do eight consecutively.  I went from doing 15 in a minute (be aware that the minute is broken up into two 30-second sections) to doing 30 in a minute.  That is serious progress for me.

I'm also getting through the DVD with fewer breaks.  It's not pretty, and I prefer that no one be watching me as I workout as I'm sure I look as much of the uncoordinated wreck as I feel like I am.

I had to modify one exercise.  For reasons unknown, I can't mock jump-rope without having severe pain in my right tricep.  Even just the jumping without the mock hand actions hurt.  I can do the jumping jacks with no problem or pain.  I just can't mock jump-rope.  So I march in place for that segment...it's probably nowhere as effective, but it enables me to keep going.

I'm on a new assignment this week.  I'm vaguely familiar with the program that I'm going to cover, but it will be trial by fire.  Should be interesting.  It's at my main facility, so that means guaranteed shifts:  no worries about cancellation.  Three full days, one half day.

I also have no three-day weekend...oh well.  That's nursing for you.

Ow

As the first days of the rest of my life play out, I started doing an exercise workout:  Jillian Michaels' 30-Day Shred.  Tagline is that I can lose up to 20 pounds in 30 days.  Now, the nurse in me knows that losing 20 pounds in 30 days is a.  not necessarily safe, and b.  not likely to last for the long haul.  I'll settle for losing 5 pounds in 30 days.

This is a short yet intense 20 minute workout.  I need nothing but the DVD, a workout mat, hand weights (which I didn't have until today, but I didn't let that stop me), sneakers, and 25 minutes to allow for a little warm up and cool-down.  Little one #2 providing commentary optional.

I opted for the easiest workout level and followed the modifications for beginners ("If you feel like you're going to die, follow Anita").  It was TOUGH.  Seriously.  I would have wimped out and burned the DVD if it was going to be any longer than 20 minutes.  I was so sore that I needed three days and plenty of ibuprofen to recover...and mental note to myself:  do not attempt a new workout before working inpatient.

I wasn't entirely ow-free when I did the workout the second time, but I also knew that if I didn't get back in the saddle as soon as I could, it'd just get harder and harder.  So on day three, I did the workout again.  The second time went a little easier, and I wasn't quite as sore.  I didn't need as much Motrin.

Since I was feeling a little better after this workout, I waited two days and did it again.  The workout is getting easier.  Yes, I still feel sore.

Anyhow, the rate I'm going, it's going to take me about 90 days.  Thank God I didn't opt for Power 90X.  That might have taken me half the year.

*sigh*

Rough shift recently:  everything that could go wrong at work did, and it was out of my control.  I can't go into too much detail without violating HIPAA or anonymity...but it seemed like very little went my way, and there was nothing I could do about it.  It was one of those days that I'm half worried that the agency will tell me the facility doesn't want me back anymore because of how bad the day was.  I'd be the perfect one to throw under the bus for everything because I was one of the few agency nurses on hand.  Didn't do anything wrong AFAIK nor was told as such...yet my thought is, Meriwhen, meet Bus Wheel.

Yes, I know I'm being a little paranoid.  But it was THAT bad of a day.

Oh well.  I did do my best and got through it.  And in the long-shot that I'm no longer desired by the facility, I'm sure my agency will let me know before my next scheduled agency shift.

Next week, I've got a week of guaranteed shifts at my main employer...and after today, I'm already looking forward to it.

You are cordially invited to feel guilty

I'm sitting here, watching ID and drinking iced tea while little one #2 is asleep across my arms and abdomen.  I can't put him in his crib as he will wake up.  He's not a napper so this is rare, and I want it to last.  Considering that at 1830, I can put this child in his crib, say "good night" and walk out of the room with nary a protest, I'll take the lack of napping skills and remain pinned to the couch for now.

Still waiting on that final grade.  I feel like I can't relax and accept that it's truly over until that grade is posted.

I received an invitation for Sigma Theta Tau.  I'm not surprised--I knew that I was going to be invited.  But still...it's rather nice to be acknowledged by a professional organization.  It'll be good on the resume  and it will be a great networking opportunity, especially since I can have a dual membership with my local chapter.  There are two local chapters I can join, and I've chosen the one that I'll affiliate with once I'm inducted because I'm familiar with who this chapter's leader is.  I'm looking forward to taking part in STT.

Of course, such an invite doesn't come for free...like any Greek organization, there's initiation and membership fees.  Fortunately, I worked enough in October to more than cover it.

Speaking of work...

I turned down guaranteed hours on Thursday.  I'm on call for Friday so that's 50/50 as to whether I'll be going in.  But I received an offer for Thursday and said no.  I figured that as it was Halloween, I'd take the day off to get little one #1 and his costume ready, and then be fresh for walking around the neighborhood while I hold little one #2.

I worked a lot in October, and I felt like little one #2 needed some quality time with me.  I have enough guaranteed hours in November to cover my childcare costs.  Actually, the way my paychecks fall as well as the extra hours I got in October, I'll have paid for December's childcare on November 1st.  So technically I could take November off and December will still be covered.

The better half told me to enjoy the down time.  He's thrilled that school is finally over and that I have free time again.  He felt (and I'll admit to this) that sometimes little one #1 got lost in the shuffle because I spent a lot of my free time doing homework--he'd get shortchanged.  So he was supportive when I told him I opted out of work Thursday to be there for little one #1.  And of course, little one #1 is ecstatic.

So why do I feel guilty for turning down the hours?

*sigh*

I should just relax and enjoy the time off, but I can't.   I should enjoy the little lump of love that is unconscious in my lap because he won't be a little lump forever.  I should enjoy the time with the older lump because he's going to be grown up before I know it.  And I just keep thinking that I should have signed on for Thursday.

But I'm not going to.  I'm going to focus on the kids.  To help myself resist, I already told my babysitter that I had plans on Thursday and would not be needing her services.  It's going to be tough...and if I get cancelled on Friday, I'll feel even guiltier.  But I need to prioritize.   Kids first.

Sometimes, I wonder why I'm so hard-wired to work.

Stuff

So, on my life after school, I've steam-mopped all my wooden floors, got a FitBit and started working on walking 10,000 steps a day (high score so far:  5,500), played Club Penguin (I'm in charge of feeding the little one's 11 puffles because he forgets to), started reading actual non-knitting books, and knit a shawl...well, it's a skimpy shawl.  More like a scarf, actually.  It's called a Wingspan if you want to look up and see the shape.  It's green and rather pretty but it's too small for me.  I like shawls that are practically blankets, or at least come half-way down my arms, so I'm sending it to a friend for Christmas and will start another (and larger) one for myself after I finish the hat I just cast on.

Anyhow...

Still waiting on the final grade.  I'm pretty sure it will be an A and I'll have my 4.0 unless I really tanked something that wasn't graded yet.

At my main facility, I'm finishing my assignment up:  last day is tomorrow.  It was a nice run there...and I admit to feeling an occasional twinge of regret that I didn't apply for the part-time position myself.  But it did not fit into my long range plans, and so I didn't want to do it knowing I couldn't give them the long commitment they were looking for.  I'm sure I'll be back there again one day though.

Meanwhile, I oriented at a new site and have the opportunity to pick up more hours, including some weekend ones.

And the agency has been calling me like crazy.  Someone must have gotten fired.  Anyhow, I gave them my next month's availability so we'll see how many days I'll get.  Actually, a couple of weeks ago they had called asking if I'd be interested in something long-term.  I told them that because of school (which I was still in at the time) and the baby, I prefer to keep it month to month right now.

So for all of their mad calling, we will see how often I'm cancelled.  I've scheduled enough guaranteed shifts this month to pay for December's childcare, so there's no stress if I don't get any shifts from them.  Though it would be nice to make some extra money to start on the Christmas shopping as well as on little one #1's birthday shopping.

I have the day off from work.  I woke up this morning and didn't know what to do with myself.  I have no papers due, no reading to do, no discussion questions to answer, no projects to work on...

I'm having a hard time accepting this.  I can't relax.