July 27, 2009

If I could have...

Today's progress: no rejections, no status changes, and no applications due to illness. I was sidelined with a migraine most of the day, so I didn't do much of anything except lie under wet washcloths and make some sourdough starter for a social event on Thursday. Good sourdough bread needs to be started about two to three days out.

Around 3:00, the headache finally broke, though it's left a lingering ache along my brow. But at least I can function now, so I made tonight's dinner of chicken parmigiana, plus a tray of brownies since the weather is so dreary and chocolate is so cheerful. Now I'm about to start some coffee...more for the migraine than for anything.

And this is why I don't lose weight.

What happened to the idea that maybe I'd drop all of this nursing school weight as soon as I passed the boards? If you find it, redirect it to my house. I just need to eat better and exercise more. I wish I had the motivation to do one, if not both.

There weren't many job pickings in the Sunday papers, and today's inbox had a few listings for skilled nursing places. Again, I'm torn: do I want to apply for skilled nursing jobs when it's not really what I want to do? Part of me just says to do it because there's no guarantees that things will open up down that road, that I may as well apply for whatever I can.

I think I'm just a little stir-crazy from not working. It'll be nice to start training this week for the free clinic.

I have to admit that when I graduated, I did feel a small sense of entitlement. Why? Well, for most of the last two years that's what everyone in the free world was telling me: you'll have no problems getting a job, you can write your own ticket, you can pick and choose, etc. I did very well in school and figured that would help me get hired right away. For most of the two years, it was a very realistic plan. Of course, no one had foreseen the economy going south like it did.

If I had known, I would have somehow swung an aide job at one of the hospitals in order to get a foot in the door there. The reality is that it would have been very hard due to family reasons, though...but I could have managed part-time, maybe. Or I would have tried harder for an externship...again, it would have been hard for me to do because of those family reasons, but I could have tried. I would have done more volunteering in the hospitals. I had volunteered through most of my schooling but I could have targeted most of it better.

I don't know if applying for jobs any earlier than I did would have helped: no one wanted to talk to me until I was licensed, but after I got my license they had nothing to offer. And I didn't know anyone on the inside to help get me in, like some of my classmates did. Sometimes I feel like that's not fair that they had that advantage...but in all honesty, if I were in their shoes, I would have done the same without blinking.

Oh well.

I believe that we end up on certain paths for a reason...though we may not know why right away. So I guess where I am now is where I'm meant to be, as frustrating as it may be.

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