March 4, 2012

Musing

The better half's parents are gone. It was a nice visit but I was definitely at the saturation point by the time they left: another day and things may have started turning sour. I do love my in-laws, I really do, and they love me. Our relationship is a good one...I'm pretty blessed in that department. But after a while I can take only so much of them, let alone anyone actually.

I am "on call" four days this week, and scheduled for one and a few partials. Actually, the one is a mandatory training day. For the rest of the week, I'll know the night before (for Monday, the morning of) if I'm needed to go in.

The last time I was at work, it was pretty entertaining: I encountered a textbook case of antisocial personality disorder. Patient repeatedly tried to scam us and finally got called on it. They were dismissed from treatment. No remorse whatsoever, just a "yeah, you got me." I don't hold out a lot of hope for their recovery...or knowing what I do about them, their future.

Antisocial personality disorder is a real bitch to treat because the success rate is so low...and a lot of the coping skills and behavioral changes that you use in other personality disorders backfire on antisocials: either they don't work or the patients use what they've learned as their latest tools to continue their agenda. And antisocials will take a lot of repercussions before they finally hit their bottom. So you just set the boundaries, do what you can for the patient and hope for the best.

I spent the weekend thinking about my career. Again. Same old so feel free to skip.

The better half is pleased I withdrew my application from the evening inpatient job...he would have let me do it if I had really wanted to, but he told me that I seem much happier and less stressed at this job than I did at my last job, and he really doesn't want to see me get like that again if I don't have to. Plus the little on is happy I'm around more and stressed less. He is aware that I had to work so hard those first two years because I was a new grad and I was building the foundation of my career, and didn't really have the luxury of working less than I did.

I still feel somewhat insecure, and feel like I should be working full-time and then some in order to keep myself competitive for when we move again. I learned from the new grad job hunt not to expect anything or take things for granted, so I keep thinking to myself I need to push, push, push. Yes, I did talk with my therapist about my anxiety and insecurity. She gave me some homework to do on them, which after I catch back up with the BSN coursework I will tackle.

But at the same time...I realize that I will be here for three years. I have no intention of leaving my facility while I'm here since they're great to work for, and I'd rather stay with them for all my work. Plus, I've realized that it really is OK if I don't get inpatient right away: I have a good foundation of inpatient care under my belt. And I have to accept that because I work for a great facility, there's not a lot of turnover so it will take time for something to open up. So let me take my time and wait, and try not to stress about it. Meanwhile, I'll keep building my reputation at work, get the BSN knocked off and start working on some other projects I've been meaning to work on...like my Spanish. Lord knows when I will again have such a wonderful opportunity to use the language, than I do living where I am living right now.

I sometimes feel like I'm going in circles. Oh well.

I did revamp the resume considerably though, but for the rest of this month, I vow to take a vacation from inpatient job hunting. Just as I took that week's holiday off from new grad job hunting so long ago because I was so burned out from it. The only way I'm going to learn to relax and enjoy the status quo is if I quit searching cold turkey. So unless the perfect opportunity presents itself to me (without my looking for it), I'm not searching.

The plantar fasciaitis (sp) is finally gone. It moved out yesterday. I'm giving my foot one more day of ice and rest before I hit the Y again. I'm not weighing myself this week since with the inlaws here as well as not being able to exercise, I'm sure some damage was done. I'll just get back on the horse.

3 comments:

Kolohe said...

Glad the visit went OK. Your quest for experience since you are still relatively close to "New Grad" status makes sense to me. I would be doing the same thing as you. Hmmm.... Do you think I should see a therapist? ;-)

Meriwhen said...

I think everyone needs to see a therapist at times :)

Kolohe said...

You're probably right, but I'm cheap. But I do have this friend who is a nurse working in the psych field who reads my blog. I figure if she ever thinks I need an attitude adjustment she'll let me know... ;-)