August 20, 2009

Rough first day off

No sooner did I get off the computer and open up Mildred Pierce did a hospital recruiter call to reject me from two positions. That must be a form of progress: usually they never call me to let me know I'm rejected--they just let me wallow in limbo and I hear it through the grapevine.  Either that, or they're dropping hints for me to stop applying.

Then a classmate/friend calls up with a possible lead--unit manager position coming up...except that they want experience and I have none.  Still, she tells me to go over and try because she thinks that the lady she spoke to will give me honest feedback.  I tell her I'll see.  Maybe I will go see after my vacation because there is something about the job that isn't calling me to drop everything and apply to it.

Then another classmate messages me to tell me her unit is hiring.   I thanked her and said that I had already put in for the opening online, so unless she wants to tell her manager about me, there's not much else I can do.  She's not as close to me as my friend is, so I feel no discomfort in telling her to tell her manager about me.  And yet I can't say that to my friend, who I know who would try to pull out all the stops she could with her manager on my behalf, because I feel like I'd be using her.   That's how it is...go figure.

Then my father-in-law called, and I had to tell him that I didn't want to hear anymore about how they're running after nurses with job offers where they live--I said to him that I'm not up there, I can't be up there, and to hear that isn't making me feel any better, but makes me feel like even more the reject so for the love of God, please stop.  He took the rebuke well.

Then Mom called asked if I heard anything and when I told her that I'm used to being rejected, she kept saying "oh, you can't think like that, you did so well in school".  I told her that this was reality--there's too many graduate nurses out there who "did so well in school" if not better, that rejection is my reality and and me thinking happy thoughts alone is not get me a job.  She did not take the rebuke well.

Then I get a message from another classmate: she just got hired at a hospital. I'm very happy for her--she deserves it-- but it still hurts to hear it, especially since this was her very first interview.  Again, I couldn't help but think what was wrong with me.

It was all I could do to throw myself at the computer and call the whole vacation off.

But I resisted.  Instead I finished Mildred Pierce, colored my hair, dug out some yarn, and watched an old movie--"Carry on Cleo"--while I worked on a project.  I didn't sleep very well though...I kept dreaming about job interviews.

Today seems to be starting off better.  I ignored the e-mail notices.  I did start reading the classifieds--out of habit--before I caught myself and put them down.  I'm avoiding the "Job Hunt" section of bookmarks in my browser.   I decided to skip one job fair, especially after I heard about the soaring crime rate in the area in which the hospital is located.  That, plus the fact that they only seem to be offering nights, plus the hour-plus commute it would take to get there...all of that stress isn't going to be worth it.  I'm supposed to be trying to relax this weekend.

So today's plan is to get some exercise in--I took the ibuprofen for the knee, and I'm waiting for it to kick in--then print out resumes for the other job fair (with #1 hospital), then perhaps start another book. 

I started an exercise DVD:  it's cardio with resistance cords.  It has been tough:  on the very first day, I couldn't get past the warm-up.  But I keep plugging away at it, and have been able to get a little more of it done each day (I took yesterday off from it due to soreness).  Right now, I can get to the 23 minute mark...I'm not the most graceful person doing it, but I can get there.  There is a high entertainment value to it though:  my little one has developed a crush on the instructor and when I do the video, he's next to me trying to exercise along.

I've also been trying to watch what I eat, but with much less success.  I do all right until about 10pm:  that's when I fall prone to mindless snacking.

I received two phone calls:  a rejection (again, that lack of a year's experience), and an encouraging one from #2 hospital about something that may be opening up and she wants me to follow up with her in a few weeks.

I do have to follow up with that SNF...I'll do it later.  Though truth be told, with how brusque she was on the phone with me the last time I called, I am tempted to say, "No, I called once--I'll wait for her."  Then I think about not getting hired while everyone I know is, and think "Yes, I should call."  But after my exercise.   I think in 10 minutes, my knee will be ready to go.

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